machoponi and the lost blue ball

by lotus rose

          Name:  Machoponi

          Type:  Bedroom Eyes Miniponi

          Body:  Purple

          Hair:  Violet

          Eyes:  Green

          Quote:  "It's so hard being macho!"

     Machoponi gazed into the dark landscape of the Kingdom of the Undead, with a scowl on his face.  He was waiting for some of the undead soldiers to come out from the large, olive green military tent about thirty-five feet away.  The soldiers would probably be waking up soon, because it was almost dusk. 

    It never ceased to amaze him how the whole world changed in such a short distance.  On the side where Machoponi stood was the Pastel Kingdom, with its green grass, blue skies and butterflies . . . but then all the bright colors abruptly stopped and on the other side of the crack in the earth, the ground and sky was gray and dark, and no plants would grow there.    

     The ancient Jagged Line from the Great Earthquake was just about five feet away--it was the result of the Great Battle of the Two Wizards, in which they had both simultaneously annihilated each other and brought about the resultant cracking of the earth.  The Jagged Line went forward to the horizon and backward as far as anyponi could see.  It was the line that was deadly to cross.

     He felt his heartbeat quicken--over there in the Dark Kingdom, some of the members of the undead army were coming out of the tent. 

     With mean eyes, six of them came out the front opening, looking around suspiciously.  Their coats were dark gray, their tails and manes were scraggly and dirty silver, as was typical of the undead.  One of them had a mohawk hairstyle. 

     Their black eyes narrowed upon seeing Machoponi.  Machoponi had been there to greet them the past three days.

     "Hey sissy!" one of them yelled.  That one nudged two others, then the whole group turned and mooned Machoponi.

     Machoponi gave them the tongue back.

     "Bet you wish you had some chocolate mints!" one of the soldiers taunted.

     "Chocolate mints are for losers!"  Machoponi called back.

     Their hateful scowls faltered slightly as they saw what Machoponi held under his front right hoof:  it was a blue ball.  The undead were forbidden by their Supreme Ruler to play with balls.  The Dark Kingdom was held under strict rule by His Royal Majesty, 2Cute of the Glorious Dimples. 

     Jealousy showed on their undead faces as they gazed at the ball.  It was the first time they'd seen it.  Machoponi had been practicing with it for weeks.  Now was his chance to show off.

     He flipped the ball up and bounced it repeatedly on his knee.

     The dead-in-the-eyes stares from across the Jagged Line chilled Machoponi straight to the bone.  He trembled slightly, but he was absolutely determined not to fumble in front of them, and he quickly regained his confident command of the ball.

     As they realized that they couldn't intimidate him into flubbing, one by one, members of the group left to use the latrines.  That was why they had exited the tent in the first place--Machoponi knew their habits. 

     The undead ponies were ignoring him now, or at least trying to pretend they were, but Machoponi could see their every-once-in-a-while sideways glances to where he was, and the brief flashes of jealousy.

     Normally, the citizens of each kingdom kept on their side of the cracked earth, because if a living pony entered the Kingdom of the Undead, it would slowly make them sicker and eventually kill them, and if an undead pony crossed over into the Pastel Kingdom, it was said to immediately cause them to disintegrate.

     Machoponi bounced the ball higher up off of his knee, then bounced it twice on the top of his head, then went back to bouncing it on his knee.

     The undead ponies across the line tried hard to look unimpressed.  Most of the ponies had used the latrines already and had returned to the group.

     Machoponi let the ball come to a rest on top of his knee, then tipped his leg so the ball rolled down the front of his right leg, then held it balanced on his hoof, then kicked and rolled the ball back up his leg to his shoulder, rolled it over the back of his neck and down his front left leg, then held it balanced on his front left hoof.

     The undead ponies who were watching him scoffed and rolled their eyes.

     Machoponi grinned and wriggled his nose mockingly.  He kicked the ball high up into the air.  When the ball came back down, he bounced it off his tail, sending the ball into a forward arc--he stood, staring at the undead ponies with an innocent expression as the ball hung in the air--it landed eight feet in front of him on the ground inside the Dark Kingdom!  He'd given it just the right amount of back spin so that it didn't bounce, but hugged the ground and rolled backwards . . . he lifted his front right leg, where it rolled neatly underneath his hoof and he stepped on it and held it there.

     The undead stood with their jaws dropped.

     Machoponi grinned a little.  They had been quite unsuccessful in ignoring him.

     The leading officer, indicated by his dirty-silver mohawk, who Machoponi knew was named Dolph, swore angrily, then bid his group to follow him and they all went back inside the tent.

     Machoponi laughed hysterically.

     It felt so good to be macho.

     He was laughing so hard, he had to bend his head down.  But then his leg twitched and he accidentally nudged the ball, and it started rolling quickly toward the Jagged Line!

     He stopped laughing.

     His eyes went wide.

     All he could do was watch as the ball sped across the line, into the Dark Kingdom, and it just kept rolling, until it finally came to rest a few feet in front of the tent.

     Machoponi muttered something rude under his breath.

     He pouted severely.  He had no choice but to go retrieve it.

~*the story of the ball*~

     This blue ball.

     It had been passed down from Machoponi's grandfather, Studponi.  Studponi had lain sickened and injured in a trench during the Great War, with one of his legs blown off by a mortar.  He'd covered himself with the lifeless bodies of his friends to escape discovery by the armies of the undead.

     The ball had been a gift from Studponi's five-year-old daughter.  It had been the only thing that had kept him alive, he'd said, because as he lay in that trench, holding it, it kept him focused on the single goal of returning home alive to his wife and daughter. 

     Studponi had lain there for three days, not eating, nor moving.  He had a canteen that he sipped from occasionally.  He'd stayed hidden until the undead armies had passed.

     He'd returned to his village with the ball.  It was his proudest possession.

     He passed that ball onto his first-born son--his son was a loser who never amounted to much--a wife-beater and lazy bum--about the only thing he'd accomplished was to manage to not lose the ball and to pass it on to Machoponi on his 16th birthday.

     And now Machoponi had lost it in a matter of a few weeks.

     He pouted severely again.

     Well, he had no choice but to cross over into the Kingdom of the Undead and retrieve it.  He was lucky, at least, that all the soldiers were inside the tent and didn't see him lose his ball.  He supposed that most other ponies his age might be too afraid to cross the Jagged Line, at least not without other ponies to help.  But he wasn't a regular pony.  He was Machoponi and he had a reputation to protect.

     He took a deep breath of determination, muttered to himself, "It's so hard being macho," then began walking to get back his ball!

     He stood right on the edge.  He'd never crossed that Jagged Line before.  His legs began to tremble.

     He stood right on the edge.  He looked to the tent.  The past three days, when the undead ponies had gone into the large military tent, they'd stayed inside for hours.  That was when Machoponi would leave, because there was no point in waiting around.

     If he was quiet enough, he was sure he could get his ball back without incident.

     He closed his eyes and took the plunge.

     A chill immediately engulfed his body.

     He shuddered, opened his eyes and everything was a murky gray.  It was startling to see and feel how different it was from the Pastel Kingdom.

     As if to reassure himself that his homeland was still there, he looked behind him, over his shoulder.  The sudden movement made his stomach lurch, but the sight of the Pastel Land comforted him.

     He was feeling nauseous and weak.  The air had a sickly-sweet smell like rotting garbage.

     It was just like ponies said it was.

     He knew that being here would make him sick--those foolish souls who went into the Dark Kingdom on a dare, even for a brief moment, would be ill for several days.

     Machoponi wasn't looking forward to that, but he knew he was a lot tougher than most other ponies, because he was Machoponi, and he knew he could stay inside the Dark Kingdom longer than most, at least long enough to get his ball back.

     With wobbly knees, trying to be as quiet as possible, he walked to the ball.  Quickly, he nudged it toward the Jagged Line.  It rolled on the ground, then went across, coming to a rest a few feet past it.

     He sighed with relief.

     The ball was safe now.  The undead couldn't cross the Jagged Line:  it was said to literally cause their flesh to melt.

     But now his curiosity was piqued by something else.  He cocked his head to listen.  He could hear strange noises coming from the inside of the tent.  A couple of the soldiers were cackling maniacally.  One of them kept saying, "Mmmm."

     Machoponi wondered what the hell was going on in there.

     Then, even though he knew it might not be such a smart idea, but because he was so overwhelmingly macho, he slipped his head inside the front flap of the tent and yelled, "You're all a bunch of morons!"

     The next part of his plan was to take off galloping until he was safely on the other side of the Jagged Line.  But instead of running, Machoponi's jaw dropped as he gazed in wide wonder at the scene before his eyes.

     They were gambling!  They were all standing around a green baccarat table, which Machoponi knew was used for playing a card game.  Next to their cards were piles of fruit, which they seemed to be betting with!  It was scandalous!  Gambling was absolutely forbidden in the Pastel Kingdom, but apparently there was no decency here.  How could they allow it without all the ponies falling into depravity?  But what was even worse was that there was a marble table off to the side piled with chocolate candy!  Machoponi guessed that they were chocolate mints.

     The six ponies in the tent stared dumbly back at Machoponi.

     Then they all busted out laughing!

     The leading officer of the group, Dolph, grinned widely--he had mesmerizing dimples and the sharp incisors of the undead.  He was really quite handsome, despite his gray and slightly-rotting appearance.  He replied, "It seems that you're the moron.  Don't you know that crossing the Jagged Line will kill you?"

     Machoponi gritted his teeth.  He knew that Dolph was telling the truth. 

     So if he wasn't stupid, he would leave now, while he still had a chance, but that macho part of his soul kept pushing him to do aggressive things.

     Maybe he could just administer a quick ass-kicking . . .  he didn't know how he could live with himself if he turned tail and galloped away.

     Machoponi growled to himself during his moment of indecision, his mind switching back and forth between the two choices.  Then in the interest of self-preservation, he took off galloping.  But then he stopped halfway to the Jagged Line.

     Something was itching at the back of his mind.

     He looked back toward the tent.  One of the soldiers was just now sticking his head out of the front, with a goofy grin on his face.

     Machoponi felt a strange twinge of envy.  He wished that he could be happy like that, rather than tormented and edgy.  He put on his best endearing grin, then started walking back towards the tent.  "Hey!" he called out.  "Can I try some of those chocolate mints?"

     Now all the undead ponies had stepped outside.  They eyed Machoponi suspiciously, then looked to see what Dolph decided.  Dolph nodded--his mohawk wobbled slightly, then he called out, "Our chocolate mints are the greatest!  If you become one of us undead, you can have them everyday!  Why don't you come inside and try some?"

     "Really?" Machoponi called back.  "You won't try to kill me?"

     "Of course not," Dolph replied, "if you don't try to kill us."  The other undead ponies chuckled.  "But listen, we'll let you go, and you can tell everyponi about the chocolate mints so they can cross over and become converted.  It'll work out for both of us."  He grinned. 

     Machoponi had a habit of acting without thinking a lot of the time.  All he knew at that moment, was that he really wanted to see what all the fuss was about with the chocolate mints.  He decided he would trick the undead ponies into letting their guards down, which would make it easier for him to escape later.  So he started walking back toward the group of undead ponies and said, "Really, I've been thinking a lot lately about maybe joining you undead.  You seem to have a lot of fun.  It gets pretty boring with everything being pastel all the time."

     The undead ponies stepped inside the tent and he followed them.  They all eagerly walked to the table piled with chocolate mint candies, then started nudging with their noses and taking pieces into their mouths.  There was a strange scent in the air, which Machoponi assumed was mint.  He bit his lip as he watched them with excitement rising up inside him.

     Chocolate mints had been forbidden in the Pastel Kingdom ever since the end of the Great War and the division of the two kingdoms.  The ponies of the Pastel Kingdom had even forgotten how to make them, and all the recipes were said to be destroyed.  But the undead consumed them all the time--they were said to get some kind of "good feeling" from them.

     But the elders said that it caused you to lose discipline and eventually ruined your body and caused you to die.  But the undead were already dead, so what did it matter?  Besides, the elders seemed to lie about a lot of things.

     Dolph fixed Machoponi with a big grin, with his dimples deep and prominent.  He nudged a chocolate in Machoponi's direction on the table.  "Go ahead and give it a go," Dolph said seductively.

     Machoponi was feeling afraid, even though he was usually overly brave.  The candy looked brown and kind of gross, actually.  He remembered the stories he'd heard and asked, "Is it green on the inside?"

     "Yeah," Dolph replied, "that's the mint part.  It mixes with the chocolate inside your mouth and wooooo."  He blew out a shuddering breath into the air in front of him.

     Machoponi arched his brow.  "It's that good, huh?"

     "There's nothing better."

     There was a part inside of Machoponi, a dark side, that had always remained hidden.  It was the part moving his legs forward, causing his head to dip.  He'd just have a little.  What could a little hurt?

     He took the candy into his mouth.  He bit in--the taste was foreign to him.  He began to chew, then the cooling sensation hit him, mixing in with the dark chocolate beginning to melt in his mouth.

     It was like a shooting cold chill going throughout his mouth and his head.  It felt so good.  It was a lot like the chill he had felt upon entering the Dark Kingdom, but this chill wasn't bad at all, and now he realized how a chill could actually feel very good.  It was a feeling of glorious ecstasy.  He closed his eyes and his eyelids began to twitter.  He opened his mouth and blew out a breath of cool air.  Now he knew what all the fuss was about.

     He opened his eyes to see everyponi staring at him.

     Dolph's dimpled grin slowly crept up the side of his face.  "It's good, huh?"

     Machoponi just stood looking at him, trying to savor every moment of that minty chocolate flavor in his mouth.

     Dolph fixed him with a flirtatious stare.  "It's all yours, if you join us.  Just let us bite your neck."  He licked his lips seductively.

     Machoponi tried to remain outwardly calm, despite the rising fear inside of him, which came partly from the fact that the undead ponies were blocking the only way out of the tent, and partly from the fact that he was actually considering joining.

     "Have another piece," Dolph was saying now, with that pointy grin of his, and now all the ponies were approaching Machoponi.  When they got close enough, Machoponi had no doubt that they would pounce.  He scanned his eyes madly around the inside of the tent, looking for a way out.

     But then he attained a sudden, brilliant surge of thought--the influence of the mints had cleared the obscuring clutter in his mind.

     In a sudden mental jump, he imagined himself in the future, obsessed with attaining the next chocolate.  Just like everything else in life, he knew that it would become "not enough" and he would constantly be seeking to increase the fix.  So he knew that the way to get the soldiers' attention off of him was to offer them a better fix. 

     The chocolate mints caused his mind to form connections it normally wouldn't.  He could see now in his mind's eye, a "glorious combination."

     ~*strawberry and banana*~

     The undead ponies were taken aback by the expression of self-satisfaction upon Machoponi's face.

     "What?" muttered Dolph, taking a step backward.

     Machoponi nodded his head over to the baccarat table piled with fruit.  He spoke slowly, with blank eyes, like a pony possessed:  "Take the strawberry and banana, mush them together.  Eat them, then follow with a chocolate mint."

     Expressions of fear came across the undead ponies' faces.

     Dolph chuckled uneasily.  "That's ridiculous," he said.  "Strawberry and banana are two separate fruits.  It is unnatural to combine them!"

     "What, are you scared?  Of course it's unnatural!  That's why it's so good!  Do it," Machoponi stated simply.  "It'll be an amazing rush."

     The group of undead ponies nodded eagerly.  That was all they needed to hear. 

     "Here," Machoponi lulled sweetly, as he walked to the baccarat table, "I'll show you."  He nudged three strawberries next to a banana.  He began to peel the banana with his teeth as the undead ponies watched.  His distraction was working.  They were completely enthralled.

     He took a bite of banana, then took a strawberry into his mouth.  He swallowed and his head lurched back--he bumped into a pony behind him and started shuddering. 

     "Quick, give me a chocolate mint!" Machoponi shouted.  One of the undead guided him to the chocolate mint table, because Machoponi's legs were shaking so much that he could barely walk.  His eyes were rolling up into the back of his head and his lips were writhing.  He was whimpering, and he dropped the chocolate mint twice before getting it into his mouth.  And then he was holding that delectable candy in his mouth--he was biting down and it was mixing and melting in his mouth!

     Machoponi looked around at the hooves of the other ponies and he realized that he had fallen down.  He raised his gaze to look at them.  He had to close one eye, because it was difficult to look out of both at the same time.

     The soldiers were gathered around the baccarat table, with strawberries and bananas in front of them.  Their eyes were rolling in their heads--they looked insane.

     They were completely ignoring Machoponi, so he simply stood up and walked out of the tent.  He then began to gallop toward the Jagged Line.  But he was having trouble galloping straight--the Jagged Line seemed to be shifting to his right, and then he heard a call behind him:  "Hey, get him!  He's getting away!"

     He looked behind him to see the group of soldiers spreading out from the tent, like a blooming flower of doom, veering off in various crooked lines.  Dolph was the only one who seemed to be able to run somewhat straight, and he was quickly catching up. 

     "I'm gonna kill you!" Dolph yelled.

     Briefly, their gazes locked, and what Machoponi saw in those eyes terrified him.  Machoponi began to panic, but he tried to calm himself and focus on reaching the Jagged Line.  If he could just get across, he would be okay.

     Machoponi turned his head forward.  He was getting closer to the Jagged Line, but he could hear the sounds of Dolph's hooves getting closer.

     But then Machoponi crossed the Jagged Line and the world seemed to explode with pastel colors.

     He gave a sigh of relief and stopped and turned around in order to mock Dolph.  But his eyes widened as he turned to see Dolph still galloping towards him!  Dolph's face was contorted with an expression of pure hatred.

     Dolph came closer and closer as Machoponi watched, frozen in fear.  Machoponi was just about to turn around and start running again, but his body was too slow to respond.

     Dolph was almost upon him.  Machoponi shouted out, "The line!" in a desperate attempt to make Dolph stop.

     Dolph galloped to within five feet from Machoponi, but then an expression of fear came across his face, and he tried to come to a complete halt all of a sudden while he was directly over the Jagged Line, with his front half in the Pastel Kingdom and his back half in the Dark Kingdom.  Dolph howled in pain as he dug his back legs into the ground.

     The wrenching movement tore his body in half.  Momentum  caused his two front legs to keep stumbling forward as his back legs catapulted themselves back and fell over, spraying a cloud of blood into the air and trailing intestines onto the ground.

     Machoponi stepped to the side as Dolph's front half sprinted past him, then crashed face down next to the blue ball . . . then his tummy and intestines plopped over so that he was laying on his side.  Dolph wriggled on the ground for a few seconds with terrified eyes while cursing and spitting up blood, then his body went still.

     Machoponi cautiously approached Dolph's front half and tapped it with his hoof.  The flesh felt soggy--it was already starting to disintegrate. 

     He looked back into the Dark Kingdom to see Dolph's back half twitching in a pool of blood.

     The undead ponies seemed to be dazed by what happened.  After several moments, one of them slurred, "More strawrana," then they all turned around and headed back to the tent.

     Machoponi nudged the blue ball with his hoof--it had a few spatters of blood on it.  Solemnly, he headed back to his village.  He felt quite ill and knew he would be sick the next few days.  He squinted his eyes, because the Pastel Kingdom seemed so bright after having been in the Dark Kingdom.

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